Fun-filled, traumatic, joyous, troublesome, boring, cruel, pleasing, satisfying, challenging, tempting, misleading - yes Life is full of 'em - that is why life is so very SPECIAL - and yet the thrill is in "living" life! And all the accompanying ordeals are the frills attached with the thrills.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Is virginity the only factor to approve of a woman's quality? What about the quality of mind, heart and soul? What about those women who cause family feuds, the mother-in-law who torments her daughter-in-law, the wife who nags her husband to put his parents in an old age home, the mistress who subjects her little maid to all physical abuse, the women folk who gossip about the lady in the neighbourhood, the selfish woman who would not want to part anything of her with anyone - how better are such women than a woman who has lost her virginity before marriage?
And what about those numerous rape victims and women subject to sexual abuse due to various circumstances? Don't they have a right to live? a hope to have a happy married life? Why should they be shunned of marriage just because they have lost their virginity and that too due to no fault of theirs.
And what about those 'loose' girls who gave in to their desires? Can't they turn a new leaf? or wouldn't they make loving wives? A mistake once done can't be regretted for? and amended?
I really pity women in this aspect. It can never be ascertained on similar lines (on virginity) in case of men and they are not questioned either; but with women, their whole life seems to centre around it. Is this fair?
I respect culture, tradition and strongly value ethics too. But given a detour from the normal route, should it turn out to be the end of the road? I know it would definitely take time for us to accept such rational concepts but with time, thought and love, am sure it is possible - ofcourse for the better. Even people adverse to my views, hope you give it a thought before making your comment.
Following all this drama, Suhasini in some function voiced her support for Kushboo and said "Thamizhagalarukku mattum komba molachirukku?". For this, the Nadigar Sangam seemed to have woken up from their slumber and asked Suhasini for an explanation. Why the heck should she offer an explanation? The comment was not intended against all Tamils but only in response to those agitators who claimed that Kushboo's remarks were against people of Tamilnadu. Periyar during pre-independence remarked that Tamil is a kaattumiraandi (barbaric) language and encouraged people to learn English which, he felt, would make them 'universal'. Even few years back Karunanidhi said that the Tamils in Malaysia have better patriotism for their language that the Tamils in Tamilnadu. Sarath Kumar, who seemed so agitated in front of the media against Suhasini, doesn't seem to mind the other remarks from his own party and that too targetted against the whole Tamil lot.
And those numerous stupid people staging agigations? Don't they have better work to do? Better problems to address? Are they the sole representatives of the people of Tamilnadu? Who gave them the right to talk on behalf of us? Where do they go when they hear : about those gruesome rape stories? about those numerous concubines which a famous (notorious?) man may possess? about the politician with many wives? about the agonizing tale of a man sexually abusing a one-year old? Such ghastly incidents and even worse tend to happen, not elsewhere, but in our very own Tamilnadu.
'Morality' is very subjective and capping oneself on moral limits should be exercised by oneself and cannot be imposed upon. Its rests upon individuals to assess what is moral or immoral by listening to their conscience.
The Background : India Today had conducted a survey and found that certain percentage of teenage girls have had pre-marital sex. When asked for Kushboo's comments on this, she said that its only advisable that girls have safe sex and that educated men should not expect their future wives to be virgins anymore. To this, a section of the public objected strongly (probably instigated by some political parties) saying that Kushboo's remarks were against Tamilnadu's culture and that she should apologise or be banished from Tamilnadu.
My view to this :
First, aren't people entitled to their opinions and views, well, atleast when the opinions are generic and not specifically intended towards any particular person or group. In that case, Kushboo's remarks are certainly general and not intended for any specific person or group.
Is pre-marital sex new to our culture? There have been many works in Tamil where eroticism has been depicted with subtle details between lovers - obviously between lovers who weren't married. What about the story of Kunthi who bore Karna? Ofcourse, people would only want to circumvent pre-marital sex considering the negative consequences it would create but given the situation we have today, the next best thing you can advise people who give in to the 'temptation' is to be safe. Isn't this (unprotected sex) the reason why we see so many babies being abandoned in dustbins, numerous cases of teenage pregnancy and still worse girls/women ending their lives?
Coming to the second point about men not to expect their wives-to-be to be virgins (2 many 'to-be's huh??), I think it would be apt to debate on 'virginity'. I read somewhere that Periyar once said that women should throw off their karpu. He went on to add that "Its only because of this that men domineer you. Throw it off and there will be nothing to thrust their control upon you women folk". People hailed Periyar then as a champion of women. His words definitely made sense - but the same people who worship him for being a rationalist, cannot seem to accept a similar view from Kushboo.
(To be continued...)