Fun-filled, traumatic, joyous, troublesome, boring, cruel, pleasing, satisfying, challenging, tempting, misleading - yes Life is full of 'em - that is why life is so very SPECIAL - and yet the thrill is in "living" life! And all the accompanying ordeals are the frills attached with the thrills.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Love deprieved...

Foreword : Apologies if this post turns you off. If you feel you would like to keep your good mood intact, then I would sincerely advise you to forgo this post. Thanks in advance!

I was very disturbed by this video, the link for which I got thru' e-mail today. It shows the video recording of a house maid ill-treating a little boy of the house in the absence of his parents. The camera was secretly fitted in the drawing hall. Being in the state I am, I thought the best way I could alleviate my grief would be to share my feeling with my fellow bloggers.

For the rest of the day, my thoughts were revolving around the little boy. Being subject to such toture at a little age, what impact would it have on his psyche? The agony when he sees his parents leave and the unsaid joy when he sees them back and the turmoil in between. Still worse, the child would not be able to express this agony! As a little solace, I read in the comments section that the mother quit her job and is taking care of her child now though the maid gave the slip. But how long would it take before the child recovers from the mental perturbation? I just hope he does soon.

This brings yet again to the topic on plight of a child with both parents working. There might be reasons aplenty but in the end, all that matters is not the luxury/comfort which parents provide but the love and care which they are able to shower upon their kids and the kids acknowledging this love in return.

Parents would obviously want their kids to have the best but its also necessary that the child understands hardships and also realises the trouble which parents undergo and know that everything doesn't come served on a silver plate. If luxury would be the yardstick to measure a kid's lifestyle, then would it imply that all less-affordable parents do not do justice to their kids?

In my case, I wasn't the 'born-with-a-silver-spoon' kind but my parents definitely showed us what troubles are, what joys are, that happiness is a state of mind, to be content, to share what you have, to give the best inorder to get the best, to see those less-previleged and feel how blessed we are and finally these virtues are what have stood steadfast in the long run - not materialistic pleasures, which we also did enjoy wherever we could afford them.

I know parents, both of them working, still doing justice to their kids and also mothers, inspite of being at home, not giving the required attention. But in cases like these (both parents working for better quality of life), what luxury/comfort would it matter to that little one when it is being deprieved of what it needs most - love, care, a soothing touch, a lullaby, a cuddle...?

You may be deprieved of a house, food, luxuries but to be deprieved of love is something I cannot imagine or rather wouldn't want to imagine. You get love - you feel the whole world is with you but you get no love, no matter even if you buy the world, you are lifeless!

Some are lucky to have good mothers, grand parents, aunts and even loving care takers but for many most part of their day seems to pass in that wait... the wait while looking at the gate in creche, waiting for the door bell to ring, waiting for the sound of that pick-up van, dad's bike, the clock stricking 6! And when they seem to get what they were yearning for all those years, its all too late for now they've become stone-hearted having got used to all those vain waits!

For all those parents and parents-to-be, please... please.... don't get carried away by that comfort/luxury tag. I am sure you can provide much much more than those materialistic comforts by being what you are, by your presence, by your love. You lose your job, you lose your high-profile job - its just another employee gone for the company but remember your kid has only one mom!


Anonymous said...

I cannot see the video...comp problem or else I would have commented

sthupit girl said...

once again, you've written really well...

in this materialistic world that we live in... im nt saying its wrong to want luxury and stuff... but we have forgotten what is of paramount importance.

all the video did, was make my cringe with disgust.

Well, its a relief to know that at least some of us have our priorities straight!!

God bless.

Ravi said...

thanks for coming by!

Thanks again! I fully agree - people have misplaced their priorites. As kids, they get carried away by many many things but even as adults the "want" never tends to cease. Its always "Dil maange more". So if we are atleast able to imbibe good thoughts into our little ones, then that's the real comfort we are giving them. Keep visiting Preetika.

Viewer said...

Seems like the topis we blogs are sometme very parellel but yeah this is serisoly a very valid point u have discussed. Esp in cases of rich couples who are busy mintng money leaving their kids - apple of thier eye in the hands of servants/ caretakers / nannies.

But I guess today parents are getting intelligent and have many of my friends who monitor the people with whome thier child interacts.

Balaji S Rajan said...


Well written and should have made a few to think. I am surprised that not many have such ideas or thoughts in the new generation. I have two kids and out of experience telling that nothing like one staying at home to take care of the kids. My wife was also working and suddenly we realised that we should not deprive the children of something we had at our childhood. I remember my wonderful days of returning back from school, and my mom making tiffin for us, enjoying, singing which used to make us feel secured and share our feelings, and experiences at school. It is working well with my kids. In no way we should stand against the individuality of the women folks. Either one of the couple should be there at home to receive the kids, when they come back from school. I agree strongly with this point. It helps a lot in upbringing the children rather than,and we find this way better than both working and increasing the bank balance.

Anonymous said...

came across to your blog while surfing and read all.Certainly you have unique and good thoughts put in your writing.
Well done !keep writing.Good luck !--passerby

Sandai-Kozhi said...

o left speechless at the video....we can do 3 things :

1. blame parents for being so ignorant about the fact the maid was not to be trusted
2. blame to f'ing maid.
3. blame both.
....but i found it immensely upsetting to see the kid dragged of the sofa. *shudders * heartless MF's.

ah well...liked ur blog VERy much. was surfing and happend to end up in urs...and it was very well written. nice job!

வேதா said...

The plight of children with both the parents working is really bad. particularly if the children are of very small age, they suffer a lot, they jus lose the warmth and lov of the parents when they really need it a lot. but we cannot blame the parents altogether, most of these parents are in a very bad need of money. i have seen mothers, who jus hate to leave their kids in home, but they had no other go. particularly parents in middle class family and below poverty line, struggle to meet the childrens need of their parents close to them. i think the couple should plan their time in such a way that they spend enough time with their kids, and for a particular age , it is advisable that any one of the parent be with the kid at home. these kind of problems can be tackled if the couple is in a joint family or if there is a person in family who can look after them. even my brother and i grew up when out parents went to work, but upto a certain age, there were someone or the other in the house, when we get back from school. thats the advantage of being in a joint family, but its not possible in all families, so the solution entirely lies in the minds of the couple.

வேதா said...

hi ravi,
do u still watch "chidambara ragisiyam"(u mentioned it in ur old post). its reaching the climax part and quite interesting.

Ravi said...

Thanks for visting again. Adding to your point, its just not monitoring about the kid's safety but also giving quality time for the kid - that's when the bond and love develops.

Once again, thank you for those nice words. Infact reading your posts, I've always felt how come you are in a foreign country when you treasure and value many of our traditional practices. I am glad that you were able to draw the line and give time for your kids.

Thank you for your comments and for dropping by. Please do keep visiting.

Thanks for coming by. More than the blame, I was affected thinking about the plight of the child.

I do agree. In case of middle class families, the need for both parents working becomes almost mandatory but again, at what cost? Are we chasing something else but missing out on the basic needs? Unless you are driven to poverty, cannot afford a square meal a day, clothes to wear, place to stay, anything about this is definitely manageable. Veda, though I love watching "Chidambara Ragasiyam", I miss watching it because of my work timings :-(

Anonymous said...

u've done a good job ravi...but I doubt whether much could be done about these things.....this is just the story of 1 kid....
I wish from the bottom of my heart that atleast a couple of ambitious moms would change after watch'n this

Ravi said...

Thanks Soumya. I don't blame being ambitious but being ambitious at the cost of something more precious is what is disheartening. Ofcourse, this applies equally to the 'dad' as well.

Anonymous said...

hey ravi...I agree with u for a 2nd time

Ravi said...

Soumya, thanks (for the 2nd time) :-)

Viewer said...


Anonymous said...

Yes please...same here

Ravi said...

Viewer & Soumya,
Thanks guys! Its nice fellow bloggers like you who really motivate me to keep going. Well, actually I moved to a new seat at office, didn't have computer for a while and now stuck with work. Its not that I can't find time to post but my thinking process is not at its best - with lots of things pre-occupied. I promise I'll post one by March :-) In the meantime, remember not to forget me!!

Anonymous said...

Never....we r waiting for u.....:-)
ye dil maange more...

Hiren said...

What you have written above love is very correct. I had to suffer a lot of torture as a child when we moved out of our joint family to live alone.

The issue is not of material comfort alone. One chooses a career also because it is an outlet or an expression of oneself and just as the kid has only one mum, you have only one life.

I feel the only practical solution to working couples problem is to find a genuine, loving caretaker.

Ravi said...

Hiren, thanks for visiting. I empathise your past situation. Though I can understand that just as one mom, there is only one life for the mom, one needs to decide on the weightage/preference for both. Again, I am not thrusting the responsibility on the mother alone here, the dad is equally responsible. Losing a career, to me, seems less of a loss considering a child losing its childhood, happiness, what not!