Fun-filled, traumatic, joyous, troublesome, boring, cruel, pleasing, satisfying, challenging, tempting, misleading - yes Life is full of 'em - that is why life is so very SPECIAL - and yet the thrill is in "living" life! And all the accompanying ordeals are the frills attached with the thrills.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Drawing the line...

I loved honey dripping talk, I say 'loved' because I don't fancy such talk anymore, ofcourse unless it is really authentic. Over the years I have realised that its okay to be arrogant - at times, rude - occasionally, speak out your mind - often, but have always shunned hypocrisy. When a person is being rude and outspoken, you generally know what is to be expected out of him/her but never with that soft sweet words you hear often from most people.

But at times when I take pride for being outspoken and point-blank, I wonder if it has really hurt someone bad. May be it did! So where do I draw the line between being outspoken and hurting somebody? Or is it that people have gotten used to so much of flattery and praises that they just can't seem to digest criticism or straight-from-the-heart talks?!

In my case, as far as I can remember, though the appreciations have made me happy, given my 'moments to cherish', what had made me really grow and mature are the constructive criticisms (I learnt to make them constructive even if they weren't meant to be). Importantly, over a period of time, I got to realise that criticisms and timely outbursts are not necessarily reflections of any feelings of hatred but only momentary or contextual reactions; and have strongly inferred that if one is able to get this realisation, relationships would hardly turn sour.

Today, when I have developed the guts to speak from my heart, I know that my intention is not to hurt the person but an attempt to be honest, to be true to the relationship I hold with that person!

18 comments:

வேதா said...

when i read the post, i actually felt like i am reading abt myself. i sometimes think that i am rude, when i jus say something to my friends, that wouldhave (what wouldhave ? it has) hurt them. people say that i am really outspoken and frank at whatever i think abt others. but friends who have really understood me say that this character of mine has indeed helped them to think abt themselves,(indeed they were hurt at the first place). i jus learnt to live this way(of course i have also learnt to underplay this character) sometimes it works for good , sometimes worst.

Ravi said...

Thanks Veda for coming by and your nice comments.

Well, at times, I also feel (as I had quoted in my post too) that even the getting hurt factor is because of people getting used to praises (vanja pugazhchi) most of the time. When you praise, you hear them say "really? don't lie" but when you say the truth, they are hurt and feel we are being ruthless.

Nevertheless, I would prefer the point blank way!

Anonymous said...

Ravi,
But not all people take in criticisms the way you take......some years back I was just like you..but being straight forward comes with a price,relationships might break....lil bit of honey dripping talk is sumtimes ok....and if u really don like something try other means first before putting across directly...I don know whether u get what I mean..."me" bad with comments at times
Soumya

Ravi said...

Very true Soumya. That is exactly the eccessence of my post. That is why I have said that if people get 'used to' such point blank talk, many relationships wouldn't suffer a setback! And maybe its also the way we grow up/advised, which is to be good to everyone but I wonder if such honey dripping talk does any good. Its "pseudo-good" may be!

[Soumya, hope I have heeded to your request for a new post ;-)]

Anonymous said...

Thank you ravi
Soumya

Arjuna_Speaks said...

Well said my friend :)..Hmm - what can I say? I think maybe we can critcize ppl - in such a way that it doesnt hurt them..Its like a bitter pill coated with a sweet taste :)..U can advice them in a pleasant manner..

thanks for dropping by :) - wuld drop in here regularly :)..

Ravi said...

Thanks Arjuna for coming by and please do keep visiting!

Lera said...

Hi Ravi, That's a well written post,I agree with you.

Being outspoken is indeed a virtue It is simply not possible to perceive noble virtue in intolerant individuals. we are all emotionally challenged people & Our feelings and thought process differ accordingly, as to what we're upset or happy about. We can all be angry one minute and understanding the next depending on our mood and situation.. I am sure not everyone has the capacity to take in criticism in a healthy way .

Ravi said...

Thanks Lera. Its been a while since I saw you around. Nice to see you back :-) Yes, people (including myself), at most times, cannot accept criticism in the same manner as accepting praises.

Viewer said...

Well its the timingwhich really plays a big role how u need to put ur opinon ... weather it shud be sugar coated or it has to be given bluntly that it cuts the guys throat...


But letmme tell one thing if he is someone u really care and like and ur opinon /advice is really gona help him postively and u cant sugar coat it boy u shud give it him anyway....


(sorry for the missing full stops and commas am in a kind of hurry )

Ravi said...

Thanks Viewer for coming by after a long time. And yes, I am visiting your blog regularly but did not post any comments.

Viewer said...

Ravi new post please .......

Ravi said...

Viewer, I know! I know! I am stuck in the same soup again as always!!! Not that I am not blogging but I am just not posting on my own blog. Viewer, I'll post one pretty soon. Thanks for not losing hope and providing the much required motivation :-)

Priyamvada_K said...

Hi Ravi,
Being a straight-forward person, I've had similar thoughts as well. I'd much rather trust someone who speaks directly than who beats about the bush - or worse, says whatever people want to hear and acts unreliable afterwards.

Sometimes I too wonder at all these flowery talks and euphemistic ways of phrasing things. This had made people look for too many meanings in ordinary speech, which can be frustrating.

Check out:
http://priyamanaval.blogspot.com/2005/12/how-monalisa-got-her-smile.html

for a spoof at this tendency!

Cheers,
Priya.

Ravi said...

Thanks Priya, I just happened to see your comment today. Will definitely read your post. Keep visiting!

Anonymous said...

Looking for information and found it at this great site... Optimal body fat for speed performance cam florida in key web west Replacement truck floor mats Voyeur rue Free web cam archive management training us Chevrolet 7004r ameteur sex cam Ezaqui bookcases

Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work how to build hardware for barcode reader

Anonymous said...

Where did you find it? Interesting read propecia loss amateur fucking free music mp3 players Police sergeant shirts sport betting nissan philippines online games Fiji travel deals domain Every information on acura rsx http://www.swimsuits-36.info buy phentermine nexium cheap